Yvonne, my wife of 37 years, passed away after losing a brave battle with cancer of the vulva. She was just 13 days’ shy of her 80th birthday.

Before she was diagnosed, we’d had big plans. I was about to retire; long weekends away and long days together beckoned. But quickly, Yvonne went from being bouncy and buoyant to bed-bound. She was in pain, all the time. Pain she strived to hide from friends and family, to spare the ones she loved most even a small share of her suffering. She was an amazing woman, my wife.

I stopped working to help take care of Yvonne at home. I sat with her. Read with her. Bathed her. And moved my bed downstairs so I could still sleep next to her.
Because although she was in and out of hospital, her wish always was to remain at home –to receive care in the place she felt most comfortable in.

I’d heard of ellenor, but mainly through its local charity shops. I didn’t know what it actually did or about hospice care. But when ellenor’s Adult Hospice @ Home team stepped in to care for Yvonne from our home, I got an insight into the depth of ellenor’s support. One I’ll never forget.

vonne’s nurses – Linda, Dani, and the Tinas (there were two) – were incredible. They managed all aspects of Yvonne’s condition. They controlled her symptoms; alleviated her excruciating pain. And, even when the deterioration of Yvonne’s health began to accelerate, they were ever-present in our lives. Calm. Considerate. Caring. Compassionate.

ellenor helped me, too. There were times when I felt, somehow, that I wasn’t doing enough for Yvonne. When I was worried, tired – already grieving for the world we’d built together. Linda and her team just knew what we were going through; the emotions we were feeling.

Anything we wanted to talk about or understand, they were there. Anything we needed, they could get it. A voice on the other end of the phone; a strong hug in our kitchen. 

In those months, they became like family to us.

When Yvonne’s pain intensified and it was clear she couldn’t fight much longer, she and I decided the best thing to do was to move her to the hospice. With the support of Linda’s team, we did. And it was there, one week later, that my cherished wife passed away.

I miss her every moment. Every day.

Now, Christmas is nearly here. And for me, it will be the first in almost four decades I’ll spend without my wonderful wife by my side. This December, her laughter and footsteps won’t reverberate through the house. But I can, at least, take solace in the dignity of her death. In the way ellenor treated Yvonne, in her final months, not as just a patient. But as family.

I still pop over to the hospice today, just to sit for an hour or two – or to have a cup of coffee and cake with one of the team. Knowing they were there for Yvonne helps me. Knowing they’re still there – looking after people at the end of their lives – helps too.  So this Christmas, please remember ellenor, and the extraordinary lengths its team goes to for North Kent and Bexley families.

They can only do it because of your generosity. So please give what you can. And help ensure ellenor can continue to be there for families navigating the most difficult, devastating days they’ll ever face.

I thank you. And, with all my heart, I know Yvonne would have, too.

Trevor Gilchrist