We walk for dad every year!

Eight years ago, Robert spent his final days at ellenor’s hospice in Northfleet, surrounded by his family and supported by the expert care of palliative nurses and doctors.

Since then, Kirsty, her mum Tina, and sisters Emma and Lisa have joined the walk every year - alongside friends, grandchildren, and other ellenor families - helping to raise money so others can get the same care they did.

The sponsored event takes place this year on September 19. Crowds of ellenor supporters will set off from Saint George’s CofE School in Gravesend on a fun 7.5km walk in a bid to raise vital funds for the charity so loved by its local community.

Kirsty, 48, said: “We started doing the walk the year after Dad died and we have been doing it ever since. Lots of friends do it with us – it’s a brilliant evening. We always wear bright clothes and put silly things on our heads and have a photo of Dad on our tee-shirts.”

Kirsty’s mum, both sisters and their husbands Terry and Graham have taken part in the walks as well as her ex-husband Wayne. Grandchildren Kian, Holly, Robbie, Jessica, Ben, Bradley and Harry have also joined the fun.

Robert Wenham was a patient at ellenor’s hospice in Northfleet for two and a half weeks before he died. His illness began with oesophageal cancer, and he had an operation to remove his oesophagus. Surgeons made him a new tube from part of his bowel. For a while he appeared cancer free but later a secondary mass was discovered on his brain. He went home, where he was looked after by family and carers, but eventually it was decided he needed hospice care.

Kirsty said: “Dad did originally say that he wanted to die at home. My mum loved my dad to bits, but she didn’t want to be his carer; she wanted to be his wife.

“He had a lovely room at the hospice overlooking the garden, and we got to know the chaplain, Ben Cooper. We all absolutely loved Ben, and he used to talk to Dad about cricket and football. Dad was always so caring about everyone in his life and would always ask people how they were. Because he had brain cancer his personality changed and sometimes it was like he wasn’t quite there, but Ben was fantastic with him.

“I can’t say it was a nice time in our lives, but it was Christmas and Dad loved Christmas, so we put up a tree and lights and played his favourite music – he loved Cat Stevens and The Rolling Stones. It was like a Christmas Room, and the staff even moved in beds for me, my mum and my sisters. The lovely lady in the café made us sandwich platters.

“The night before he died, we were watching Christmas movies. We’d opened a bottle of prosecco and were just trying to make it feel as normal as possible. He was in a coma by then, on morphine, and not speaking - but every now and then he’d wake and hold our hands.”

“Everyone was telling us that he was coming to the end and the day he passed it was Lights of Love at the hospice, so we could hear all the lovely singing. Friends and family had come to visit but it was like he was holding on for something. Ben told him he was going to the carol service but would be back. He told him the gates of heaven were open and that it was okay to go.

“It started snowing outside and dad just stopped breathing. It was all just so calm and when we looked out of the window there was a little robin and a sparrow sitting on the fence.

“Although it was something terrible, it was lovely to have all of that. The ellenor staff made sure it wasn’t a horrible experience. There was a warm feeling, and we were thankful for that time.”

Ben was able to officiate at Robert’s funeral, something the family had planned in detail with Robert while he was in the hospice, on the advice of ellenor staff. The family also took up Ellenor’s offer of counselling.

Kirsty said: “It was hard because we are all so close. My son Kian was the first grandchild and went through a bad patch. There are times in their lives when the grandchildren all still miss their grandad.

“He had always lived in Gravesend. He worked for the Prudential and used to go door to door collecting people’s money. Everyone in Gravesend knew him as The Man from the Pru. He also ran a football team. Our friends would always be round the house when we were growing up – they all knew Dad.”

The family has a leaf for Robert on ellenor’s Memory Tree and Tina still regularly visits the hospice café for a coffee. Kirsty also recently signed up to the ellenor Lottery when she was shopping at her local supermarket.

She said: “It’s not until you lose someone that you realise how important it is to have the ellenor here.

“ellenor has helped so many families like ours — but it’s getting harder for charities to raise the money they need. People are stretched, and giving to charity isn’t always top of the list. That’s why events like the Twilight Walk matter so much. It’s not just about fundraising - it brings people together to remember, to support each other, and to keep ellenor’s care going for other families who’ll need it.”