Changing Minds, Changing Lives: Ron’s Journey from Doubt to Calm at ellenor

The ex-chauffeur didn’t know what to expect when he was referred to the Wellbeing team at hospice charity ellenor. Luckily, he kept his mind open and is now a firm believer in meditation and massage.

He said: “If you had told me six months ago that I would be going to meditation I would have said that’s crazy. But, believe me, I really am a convert.”

Ron, who lives in Bexley and started visiting ellenor as a day patient early this Spring, has received three massages from Sally Baker, ellenor’s senior complementary therapist. Every Thursday he also attends her Relax and Meditate classes and seated exercise classes given by head of wellbeing Andy Lowden.

Carcinoma of the urinary bladder led to a big operation in Medway Hospital for Ron in January last year to remove his prostate and bladder, and he is now having tests on his liver.

He said: “The hospital has been very, very good, and check up on me regularly. They must have referred me to ellenor. When I first got a call inviting me to come along, I really wasn’t sure. I have never really fully recovered from that operation, so I thought I ought to try anything that might help, but I really didn’t fancy anything like meditation and any of that stuff and nonsense.

“I went along for the first time and had a massage and thought I would go again. I was surprised how much it helped – I almost went to sleep.”

Ron was so impressed that he also agreed to attend a group meditation session, although again he felt apprehensive and quite sceptical.

He said: “You sit in a room with a dozen or so other people, there is soft music playing and a beautiful picture on a screen. Sally stands at the back of us and talks in a soft voice. She tells us to put everyday worries to the back of our minds. Your feet are flat on the floor, your eyes are closed, and she asks you to imagine roots coming from your feet and through the ground and becoming part of the earth. Then Sally talks you through a guided journey.

“Before you know it, she is asking you to wiggle your fingers and toes and bring your mind back to the room, and you just feel so relaxed.”

ellenor believes care extends beyond its patients’ physical health. The charity offers emotional and psychological support, including complementary therapies like aromatherapy, gentle touch massage, reflexology and Reiki.

Ron admits that he has never found it easy to destress. He worked extremely long hours in a “wonderful job” driving high end cars like Rolls Royce, Jaguar and Mercedes as a chauffeur for the chairmen of large companies.

He said: “I worked for three different people over my career and the last one was for an advertising agency. We used to go to shoots and things all over the country and sometimes I was away overnight.”

After he took early retirement, Ron was a volunteer driver, taking patients to doctors’ appointments in Dartford, and he also did some paid work delivering new cars.

He said: “I can’t relax and sit and read like some people. I read a couple of pages of a book and then I put it down, or I might sit down to watch a two-hour TV programme and after an hour I have had enough.

“Because I worked such long hours in my job, I suppose I never really had a hobby. I get frustrated very quickly because I can’t do the things I used to do around the house. We had to pay someone £150 the other day to fix our tap, whereas in the past I would have got down under the sink and done it myself. The same with cleaning the windows. We live in a bungalow, but now we are looking for a window cleaner.”

Ron has been diagnosed with arthritis and is unsteady on his legs, sometimes seeming to fall for no reason. He knows that attending seated exercise classes at ellenor will help build his confidence and strength but also admits that he finds it difficult to get motivated to do any exercise at home.

Wife Lorrie agrees that Ron struggles to exercise or destress and is often tense or anxious. She said: “He seems to feel his visits to ellenor are working, and while he is there on a Thursday it means I can relax too.”

Lorrie likes to spend time catching up with their daughter Jane, who lives in Erith. Jane has suffered from fibromyalgia from an early age, so they all like to support each other as a family unit.

Since starting his visits to ellenor Ron has been trying to unwind more while he is at home too and uses a lavender aromastick from Sally to help him sleep.

He said: “I tell my friends about the complementary therapies at ellenor, but some of them just shrug it off like I used to, but the more I look into it, the more I am adjusting my life to the idea of it.

“Although I originally poo pooed it all, I decided to go along to ellenor and take part. You are going into a hospice, but you are not going for end-of-life care; you have to get your mindset right. I think what they do at ellenor is wonderful”

• If you would like to find out more about how to be referred for complementary therapies at ellenor, please call 01474 320007 and ask for the wellbeing team.